Humanitarian mauled in effort to free caged Huskies

The Story of James "Slim Maybe" Jones

Humanitarian and Animal Lover,

 James "Slim Maybe" Jones, made history not once but TWICE, in one day!

James lives in a neighborhood where there are a ALLOT of caged animals. 
They range from Dogs, Cats, midget horses, pigs, chickens, and even a few gerbils. 

According to eye witness and family accounts. One day, while outside looking for aluminum cans and other scrap metals, Slim heard a loud, strange noise. 

It was coming from the house of the guy with the HUSKIE DOGS. 

Those beautiful creatures with BLUE EYES and soft white fur.

 Being the humanitarian that his family claims he is, he went to investigate.

Upon arrival he is met by this man. A local DICK, who treats everything he comes in contact with, like shit. This guy can't even eat a sandwich without punching it, two, three times. Forget chewing, he just swallows it whole so it can suffer all the way down. This guy is the type of man who will beat up an old man, for his pipe...then break the pipe! I mean, well... I digress. 

Ole Slim spots the "Huskie Dogs" in a cage, as if they are being hauled off somewhere. 
The cage was small, and the dogs could barely get their noses through the bars to catch a breath of fresh air. James, or "Slim Maybe", had just acquired his concealed carry permit. (This moron has a gun hidden, legally, in his jacket. The rest is predictable, but we will go on.) 
He pulls the gun, and shoots the man in knee. 

He was aiming for his head, but missed. 
According to SLIM, anyway.
(What moron admits to attempted murder.?)

After the local dick hit the ground, James tries to shoot the lock off of the box. Instead he kills one of the dogs, and injures another. He finally got the lock off with a shovel and allot of smashing. Once the door was open James, being the Humanitarian he is, climbs into the cage. Instead of Licks and cuddles, he is greeted by an Injured dog, 
and 2 other VERY angry dogs.

(Who knew banging on a cage for 20 minutes and shooting one dog, would make them so agitated.)

A visceral tug of war ensues among the dogs, in the melee one of James arms are ripped off. Two of the dogs stayed behind to chew on the newly found treat, the injured dog went after James, well... His Genitals. Needless to say James requires multiple surgeries to repair the damage. The doctors have said that a gender reassignment would be less hassle, and cheaper for James.

James stated, may as well. I'm just a bitch with one arm anyway.

Old Man dies after seeing picture of Estranged Wife.

Bob Robert "Billy" Williams, was full of life at the time of his death.

He had met a young woman online, and was living a virtual young mans life.

That was when it ALL went wrong. 

Allow us to tell you a little about innocent Billy Williams, before we kill him off in print.

He was a modest man, who lived within his means, and did NOT have allot of money.

His interest were model airplanes, hummingbird watching, and bingo at the local VFW.

He was an orphan and a small pox survivor. Along with holding several patents to outdated inventions, he enjoyed lawn darts. 

(After they were outlawed he bought ALL remaining darts, 

and owns the worlds ONLY lawn dart obstacle course. Johnny Knoxville was rumored to visit weekly. Of course there is no evidence to support these claims.) 

Years prior to any of this, ole Billy's wife had vanished. 

No note, no trace, nothing missing, she just vanished. He was investigated, and ultimately exonerated of any and all wrong doing. The poor guy spent the next 50 years, entirely alone and depressed. Outside of his lawn darts and bingo, he longed for his long lost wife. That's when he met Olivia on a popular online dating site. (We shall not name said site, lawsuits are getting expensive here for Slander, and false reporting.)

So, Billy befriends this young woman, and request a picture of her. 

He receives the following photo from the young lady.

Billy Collapsed dead immediately after seeing this photograph!!!

The Police later revealed that is his long lost wife on the left, 

and his grand daughter on the right.

This was their way of letting him know that she were alive, and he had a grand daughter. She had also sent a letter explaining her 50 year absence. Details have not been released.

(Yes, this is the America we all live in and love now.)

Billy's daughter, distraught, submitted this picture, via Instagram,  to show her grief.

(It is important to note that it WAS finals week.)

She changed her mind once she learned that Billy's patents had been generating millions, he had not know, and she was the sole heir. 

The estranged wife and grand daughter got the Funeral Bill.

This blog is for entertainment purposes only.All claims, photos, images, names, and info are fiction.

Courtney Love has a NEW way of making ends meet!

It appears that our beloved "Courtney Love" has found a new talent,

 and a way to make ends meet.

We did not believe it at first, and had to confirm it personally. 

After many failed attempts, we were sent this photo by an anonymous source. 

(Who also wanted $50 to buy crack...)

YES, Courtney Love has entered the world of PROFESSIONAL HOTDOG EATING!

Watch out 

Takeru Kobayashi

We are following this story and any developments that may come. We are certain Miss LOVE will do well, considering she has swallowed MANY hot dogs in her life. God Speed Courtney, the Prayer Warriors are on OVER TIME for you baby doll!

Woman in abandoned town stuffs HUMANS for MORBID museum

Monowi, Nebraska, USA

(Picture provided by http://whenonearth.net/ This article is for entertainment purposes only.)

Nebraska is home to a strange small town in which the population is exactly one. 

The once populous town has somehow died out, leaving only one resident who operates a bar and a public library for visitors, all on her own. The reasoning behind the mass exodus of people, and her staying, is starting to unravel. 

A small crew of college film makers decided to visit this small town. 

They were very interested in a library that caters to 1 person, and others passing through. 

They were inspired by "The Blair With Project" and "House of 1000 corpses"

(Seeing as how both of those movies ended in tragedy, I can't see how they thought this was a good idea.) 

(Photo courtesy thisisinfamous.com.)

When they arrived they found the town abandoned, except for the bar. 

The bar seemed STABLE on the outside, but on the inside it was something out of "From Dusk till Dawn". A mariachi band, dancers, midgets serving jello shots made from used Breast Implants.

 (Yes, I found this odd too. The chemicals mixed with alcohol create a Euphoric sense. Like that of an Opiate.)

(Photo courtesy www.bostonmagazine.com.)

The towns only resident, simply referred to herself as "The One", made her appearance after the group was intoxicated. At this point they began asking her questions and filming her replies. According to the data that was salvaged, she was very much into Taxidermy. The footage ends when she escorts the group into a Gymnasium full of STUFFED HUMANS!

This was the population of Monowi, Nebraska and their fate is unknown,

One of the students managed to escape but is in a catatonic state and is a ward of the state. The footage was all that was uploaded to "the cloud" during their filming. The town is so desolate that cell service is rare, and "The One" only had dial up internet access.

(AOL TO BOOT!)

(Photo courtesy of www.minddisorders.com.)

It was later to be acknowledged that "The One" had a "Wax Museum" in the abandoned school. 

This was described to be a Tribute to those who left, and abandoned hope. 

Instead, it is a macabre reminder that giving up can have dire consequences. Never give up, or some nut job "BOOK LADY" will stuff you, and charge admission to look at your body.

Article written by: R.p.C

Edited by: Spell Check

Photos provided by: Cited

www.SuperFail5000.com

See the WEIRDEST towns in America below!

(Check out www.SmallTownFamous.us for MORE offensive comedy.)

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